Last month, they held down one of their teammates and shaved off his eyebrows just because he watches Grey's Anatomy.

I'm sorry, did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you!

Oh, hell to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singin' nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.

Being a part of something special makes you special.

I won my first dance competition when I was three months old.

You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded... That's hard!

You think that's hard? I'm living with hepatitis... That's hard!

But Will, I'm on my feet four hours a day, three days a week here, and then I have to go home and cook dinner for myself!

We're all here for the same reason. Because we wanna be good at something.

I'm not afraid of being called a loser. Because that's what I am.

Emma: Since when are cheerleaders performers?
Sue: Your resentment is delicious.

Finn: Tina, what are you good at?
Tina: I-I-
Finn: We'll figure something out for you.

Those skirts are crunchy toast! Santana Lopez bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries.

That was the most offensive thing I've seen in twenty years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

I'll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant with Cheerios. You can fetch me Gatorade, wash my soiled delicates....

This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.

Sue: Iron tablet? Keeps your strength up when you're menstruating.
Will: I don't menstruate.
Sue: Yeah? Neither do I.

Throngs of screaming teenagers don't do it for Josh Groban.

When you really believe in yourself, you don’t have to bring other people down.

I give it 15 minutes until the first one quits, or tries to commit suicide.

Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion.

Dude, my bowels have better moves than you.

We're gonna win because we're different. That what makes us special.

I want my full budget restored. I want a fog machine.

I will not be satisfied until glee club is disbanded.

I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.

The way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring.

He's here! He's here! Josh Groban is here. Front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit. I barfed.

Being a boy band did wonders for my love life... we started doing it once a week.

What's a cliche? Is that a bad thing?

They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star. Just look at John Stamos.

The critics said Van Halen was dead when David Lee Roth quit. But the hit single "Right Now" proved them wrong.

Being a good father is all about guts. And you've got about six months to see if you have any.

Will's Father: We just sold all 17 copies of your CD!
Will's Mother: I didn't even have to show any of them my bosoms!

Kurt: You busted my window.
Mercedes: Well, you busted my heart.

Cougar: Is that a nipple ring?
Puck: Yeah. I'm pretty rock 'n roll.

The more time Rachel storms out of rehearsal, the less impact it has.

Dishonesty is food to the marriage. It will die without it.

Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.

My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.

It's a unitard. Guys wear them to work out nowadays. Play sports. They wipe sweat from your body.

I thought I made it very clear that anything from West Side Story goes to me.

There’s not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will.

I got a satellite interview. That's lingo for an interview, via satellite.

I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'

Find your voice. Stomp that yard. All that crap.

Not everyone is gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage.

I'm gonna do everything I can to be a good father.

I had sex with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I felt fat that day. But it was a mistake.

Ken: You make this, and you die a legend.
Kurt: Can I pee first?

That Rachel chick makes me wanna light myself on fire, but she can sing.

Stars are rare. And when they’re found, you have to let them shine.

I realized being a star didn't make me as special as being your friend.

Yes, I am back in glee club. In lieu of flowers, please send all donations to a socially conscious charity of your choice.

When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.

There was a time I was the biggest star around here. And now that I've gotten that back, I'm never letting it go.

I'm a girl who knows her solvents, and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol.

Finn: You know what we should do?
Rachel: Elope?!?
Finn: What?
Rachel: Nothing.

Kurt: Maybe Quinn is lactose intolerant.
Artie: That doesn't explain all the crying.

Kurt: Smells like my Aunt Mildred.
April: Just drink it.

Kurt: Can we please talk about the giant elephant in the room?
Cheerleader: Your sexuality?

We're planning on smacking them down like the hand of God.

I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.

You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them.

Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back strong than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain.

Glee is supposed to be about what’s inside your heart, not what’s coursing through your veins.

She kind of freaks me out, in a Swim Fan kind of way... and her body is smokin, if you're not into boobs.

Will is a good man. He's kind and he's generous and he deserves a lot better than you.

It's cubic zirconia. I know how affected you were by Blood Diamond.

I know our relationship isn't perfect... you cried that one time my elbow rubbed your breast.

Ellen, that blouse is just insane.

You have seven months of your life left. Enjoy it.

We're gonna win. You're gonna lose. Deal with it.

Rachel: I'm sorry for calling you contemptible and deplorable.
Finn: That's okay. I didn't even know what those words meant.

Terri: What time do you go to bed?
Finn: I don't know. normally whatever time Skinemax starts showing regular movies again.

Terri: I'm the new school nurse.
Will: But you don't have any training.
Terri: Please, Will, it's a public school.

I know some guys cheat on their wives or pregnant girlfriends. Just don't do it with [Rachel].

I do care about teaching. And when I coach them and they win, I win.

God, it feels good to finally pop that zit known as Will Schuester.

I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.

I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.

I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.

I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion.

I came up with the best baby name of all-time: Drizzle.

Will: Who's to say everything I do is 100% on the ball?
Sue: No one would say that.

Principal Figgins: Let's hug it out.
Will: I'd rather not.
Sue: I don't see that happening.

Will: I can't do a song with three people.
Sue: Not with that attitude.

Sue: So, you're last name is Puckerman, huh?
Puck: Shalom!

Sue: When you hear your name called, cross over to this side of this black shiny thing.
Will: That's called a piano, Sue.

Status is like currency. When your bank account is full, you can get away with doing just about anything. But right now, we're, like, toxic assets.

The slushee wars have commenced. None of us are safe.

Know what the worst part is? It's not the burning in your eyes or how the slushee drips into your underpants. It's the humiliation.

I don't really groove on Young MC.

It's my personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon.

Your arms are lovely. But I just don't see us working out.

I can't be caged in, Sue. That's why I got my tiger tattoo.

You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.

What kid is gonna choose glee club over football? It would be ridiculous.

I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.

I don't think any one decision makes your life. Unless you invent some sort of zombie virus or something.

Ken has convinced me we need to at least be in the same room when the marriage is certified.
Ken: What can I say? I'm a traditionalist.

Puck: Wanna make out?
Rachel: Sure!

I wanna be very clear: I still have the use of my penis.

You sing like a girl. In a good way.

Somewhere in that pea brain of yours is a man. Access him and tell him to prove to me that I chose the right guy to have a baby with.

I have an iPod dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked. This is amazing.

I love you more than I love being a star.

We all know I'm more popular than Rachel, and I dress better than her.

I'm full of ennui.

Why do we need to go all vanilla on this song? What we need is my chocolate thunder.

You're a punk who doesn't deserve to have Quinn as his girlfriend.

$1,200. That's enough for the short bus and two cases of Natty Light for the ride home.

I'm all about being a team player. But my family comes first.

Maybe one of these days you'll find a way to create teachable moments without ruining my life.

I'm about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.

[Ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.

If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning.

You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.

I almost got a job at Olive Garden, but they said I was too tall to be a busboy.

Mr. Schue, kids are busier than when you went here. We've got homework, and football, teen pregnancy... lunch.

It's my go-to shower song. It's also my ring tone.

You're irritating. But don't take that personally.

Quinn: I don't care if my baby comes out with a mohawk, I will go to my grave swearing it's Finn's.
Puck: It would be pretty awesome if it came out with a mohawk.

Kurt: I wanna try out for the Wicked solo.
Will: Kurt, there's a high F for it.
Kurt: That's well within my range.

Rachel: People just don't like me.
Finn: You might wanna work on that.

He's cheating off a girl who thinks she square root of four is rainbows.

I'll admit it, I'm madly in love with Finn.

How do you explain her constant irritation with you? It's because SHE'S A GIRL.

I love the days when I don't wear underwear. Full commando!

Every time you wear it, you can think of me and the star you're helping me become.

When I'm singing with him, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time. And what I'm seeing is super, super cute.

I need a man that can keep up with me intellectually and creatively.

I've never noticed this before because he's always trying to destroy my career, but Mr. Schu has really pretty eyes.

You should know that there's some boy out there who's gonna like you for everything you are, including those parts of you that even you don't like... Those are gonna be the things he likes the most.

I have to go. They'll think I'm pooping.

I never noticed how nice Rachel's butt is.

If we were to rank crushable teachers in this school, you'd be number-one with a bullet.

We're both mildly attractive and extremely grating.

Will: Ballad. Who knows what this word means?
Brittany: It's a male duck.

Finn: I'm sick and tired of people pushing me to be somebody I'm not.
Kurt: You're lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate.

Will: You're making her clean our bathroom?
Terri: I've been dealing with these school girl crushes for years. Why shouldn't I get something out of it?

Hairography. It works best when you pretend like you're getting tasered. It's like cool epilepsy.

Rachel somehow manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time.

You need something to distract from your horrible personality. Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you, especially this one. This looks like where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobbie come to hook up.

Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what a good singer you are because all I think about is shoving a sock in your mouth.

Hairography. All the whizzing of their hair around just to distract from the fact that they're not really good dancers.

Puck: I saw it in the book store...thought I’d steal it for you... just in case you change your mind and decide to keep it [the baby].
Quinn: Thank God for Puck. I’m starting to realize what I need even more now than looser pants is to be accepted.

I want my kids to be able to look back at these books and see who I was, make them proud — not the bastard one I'm carrying now, of course — the ones I'll have when I'm married and ready.

I might not look like the head cheerleader anymore, but I'm still her on the inside.

As soon as I get my record deal, I'm not speaking to any of you.

I can't be co-captain. No time. Kwanza!

I gotta go load up the guns for the football picture!

School pictures are everything to me. They're great practice for the paparazzi.

Aside from nudity and the exploitation of animals, I'll pretty much do anything to break into the business.

Rachel: I insist on only being shot from the left side.

You three are boring me now. I'm gonna go do something else.

While they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn't using them.

All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.

I am a leader. It's who I am. It's who I wanna be.

The guys said if I took the Glee club photo, they'd make me choose between a Hitler mustache and buck teeth.

The wedding was gonna be in Hawaii but they told me I couldn't bring my own fruit.

Sometimes things sound a lot different coming from a peer, even if that peer is as annoying as Rachel.

Ken has a lot of flaws. He has 74 flaws as of yesterday.

Quinn: Coach Sylvester, we need to talk.
Sue: I've got nothing to say to you, preggo.

Okay. I'm just gonna come out and say it. This is a singing competition. I don't know how those deaf kids got in. They weren't singing, they were like honking and everyone was crying and I was like, "Get off the stage. You're terrible and you're making me super uncomfortable."

I say we lock Rachel up until after sectionals. I volunteer my basement.

I've never told you this before, but I'm a little psychic. I can't read minds or anything yet, but I do have a sixth sense.

Get ready for the ride of your life Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!

Sometimes being special sucks.

You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian.

We've got a problem. They're doing all our numbers - the kids are completely freaking out. Artie keeps ramming himself into the wall and I'm pretty sure Jacob will just wet himself.

I'm so sorry. I fully understand if you want to beat me up. Just avoid my nose.

Hey, I know it's not my place, but have you had the doctor run the full genetic test panel on your unborn child. I only ask because my cousin Leon and his wife got pregnant and then they found that he was a carrier for Tay-Sachs.

Santana: Having sex is not dating.
Brittany: If it were Santana and I would be dating.

Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

I've got a full ride to a little school called the University of California in Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles.

I feel like Lady GaGa.

It will be the kind of heartbreak that girls like me hold for the rest of their lives. Like Barbara in "The Way We Were."

It's my understanding you've been given the heave-ho by that terribly uncoordinated Finn Hudson.

Rachel: We know our Romeo and Juliet romance will be an issue. But our true respect for each other's talent will carry us through.

You two should be wetting yourselves with shame.

You need to become even more narcissistic than ever before.

I'm engorged with venom, and triumph.

You may be two of the stupidest teens I've ever encountered - and that's saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to Sarah Palin.

If I were't ignoring what these ladies were saying, due to my deep repulsion, I'd encourage you to go for it.

I won't be burying any hatchets, William, unless I get a clear shot to your groin.

Don't bother sleeping with my husband tonight. You're already screwed.

This is the big leagues, guys. If we don't place at Regionals, glee club is over.

Coach Tanaka pulled a Jessica Simpson: he lost his fiancee, gained 40 pounds and stopped showering.

I think I'm dating Rachel. At least she sure thinks I am.

I did set the season record for being sacked... but we only won one game.

It's like watching beige paint drop... I want a look that's so optimistic, it could cure cancer.

Thank you for the coffee. And the making out? Pretty hot.

Can you go now? I think I need to close the door and cry.

Please stop super-sizing because I don't dig on fat chicks.

I will not stop until your fired and your little glee club is annihilated into oblivion.

Hey, buddy. Get a haircut? It looks awful.

Are you gay? Because most of the show choir directors I make out with are gay.

I'm the only person in your life that knows you, and accepts you for who you are.

My personality, though exciting and full of personality, isn't exactly low-maintenance.

You buy us dinner and we make out in front of you. It's like the best deal ever.

I'm gonna send this [hair] to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, so they can use it to plug the holes in their trailer.

Emma: I didn't know you could cook.
Will: There are so many things you don't know about me. I can't wait to introduce them to you.

Rachel: Get used to it guys, we're stars now, up to par with all the jocks and popular kids. Oh, it's the dawn of a new era here at McKinley and we are going to rule this school! (Gets slushied in the face by two boys.)
Boys: Ooh, welcome to loser town - population you!

Brittany: You're a really good dancer.
Finn: Thanks, but my feet weren't really dancing.
Brittany: That was the best part.

Rachel: Good luck winning without me.
Kurt: Everyone is replaceable, even you.

Rachel: I'm nervous.
Jesse: I remember when I used to get nervous.

Sue: Anything else?
Brittany: Sometimes I forget my middle name.

Emma: I haven't been intimate in a very, very long time.
Will: How long?
Emma: Ever.

If you're planning on getting all up on this, you're gonna have to make some changes.

The way to get a man to follow you forever, take his virginity. Madonna wrote a song about it.

When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist.

Mercedes is black, I'm gay: We make culture.

I really don't feel comfortable talking about this with Rabbi Greenburg. Aren't you a guidance counselor?

She's like a cat in heat. She talked about him yesterday and practically sprayed the choir room.

As Madonna once said, I'm tough, I'm ambitious and if that makes me a bitch, that's what I am. Pretty sure she stole that line from Sue Sylvester. No, really. I said it first.

You think this hard. I'm passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!

Somewhere on the English countryside, in a stately manor, Madonna is weeping.

A la Madonna, I'll no longer acknowledge that any of you have last names.

What would Madonna do? Well, the answer to that question would normally be: date a younger man.

Do you not understand the blackmail process and how it works?

What you call insanity, I call inspiration.

Lindsay Lohan looks like something out of Lord of the Rings.

[Madonna is] the most powerful woman ever to walk the face of the earth.

Quinn: Would you please stop talking? You're grossing out my baby.

I thought I smelled cookies from the tears of elves weeping that live in your hair.

I hate Duke like I hate the Nazis.

I can't be your dad, but I'll be her hero for as long as she'll take me.

I'm pretty sure my cat is reading my diary.

I feel like the guy who set of Liza and David Gest.

Can you go now? I'm a half hour behind on my moisturizer routine, and I need to wake up early.

Don't sweat that old chair. I have a lovely chaise picked out.

You have a week to lose 10 pounds. It's like trying to lose one of my butt cheeks.

Weren't roller rinks outlawed in like 1981 for being totally lame?

I'm sure Figgins will mumble something nervously and then pretend to take a phone call. I happen to be blackmailing him.

On assembly days, I arrange for the rest of the school to be fumigated, so the gym is the only place with clean air.

I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.

You're just like every teenage girl in America: obsessed with vanity. Before you know it, you'll be leaving baggies of vomit in your parents' closet.

I haven't had a solid meal since 1987.

Mercedes, your vocal chords have had more fantastic runs than a Kenyan track team.

I haven't had a drink in 45 minutes.

I'm gonna go get myself a bikini wax. And I'll see you tomorrow.

Will Schuester?!? I just had a sex dream about you.

How do you two not have a show on Bravo?

Kurt: You shouldn't be embarrassed about your body.
Mercedes: Embarrassed ? I'm worried about showing too much skin and causing a sex riot.

Will: The liquor cabinet is off limits.
April: No worries. I brought my own.

You had me at sex tape. How can I help?

Maybe if we seemed more dangerous people would stop flushing my glasses down the toilet.

I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and I forgot how to leave.

I don't know how to turn on a computer.

You guys need to stop being such asses and start being bad asses.

This song should be arrested for the crime of sucking.

That's Olivia Newton-John's "Physical." It was pretty groundbreaking at the time, considering its depiction of fluid sexuality.

You're a really good teacher, even if everyone is calling you a man whore.

Why does everyone assume I'm angry all the time? It's called being sassy.

I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people I don't know. I own that. But I'm not a liar.

Rachel Berry is about to get musically promiscuous.

I bribed Will Schuester's landlord to bug his apartment with baby monitors under his couch. And in his bedroom.

I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass.

I never understood how hard it is to get laughed at, especially in slow motion.

What's that smell? It's coffee. It's usually masked by the smell of fear.

It takes years to build a good reputation, and only seconds to destroy it.

You're a slut, Will. You're a slut, you're a slut. Everyone should know that.

Figgins: I cannot have these shenanigans at this school.
Sue: He cannot have these shenanigans at this school!

Sue: See that? Two little bears.
Jean: That’s you and I!
Sue: That’s right. I’m the big one, right?
Jean: And I’m the small one!
Sue: Yeah, you’re the tiny one. And what does that say?
Jean: I’ll always love you.
Sue: And I will always love YOU!

Puck: Jesse will never fully know what it means like to be a Jew.
Rachel: I'm ironically turned on by your bad boy image, but let's keep this professional.
Puck: I'm outta here. Why should I stay if there's no chance of making out?

Kissing my armpits is a really big turn-on for me.

You're pretty much the only guy in this school I haven't made out with because I thought you were capital G gay. But now that I know you're not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. Let me know if you wanna tap this.

I'm not a box. There are more than four sides to me.

I need you to respect my privacy. Brittany and I were just having sexual relations.

I did some research, blacks and Jews have a history of sticking up for each other.

Get ready black girl from Glee club whose name I can't remember right now. The Puckster is about to make you his.

What's the point in living when I suck so much?

I have chosen Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" because it's about overcoming obstacles and beating the odds. In my case, the obstacle is you: my lackluster teammates who refuse to carry their own weight.

I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live.

We all know that my job here is to look hot.

I'll have to take to the mic and deliver a diatribe. Probably something about immigrants.

Nobody quits the Cheerios. You either die or I kick you off.

I'm gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.

The glee club has lost its voice. It's time for us to get it back.

At least I don't have to listen to his stupid theories on how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization.

Don't know if it's the missing mohawk or the whining, but I'm not turned on at all right now.

Puck: I feel like that guy who lost all his hair, then lost all his hair.
Santana: Samson?
Puck: Agassi.

Puck: Girl, you got more curves than a Nissan ad.
Mercedes: Seriously? That's what you came up with?

Puck: I'm a sex shark. If I stop moving, I die.
Mercedes: Me and you would not work out. You're top 40. I'm rhythm and blues.

Mr. Hummel: If things get serious, use protection.
Brittany: Does he mean like a burglar alarm?

I'm never gonna dunk a basketball or kill a lion. I need to focus on dreams I can make come true.

I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and shot it.

You cant feed a child sheet music, Will. I suppose you could, but they'd be dead in a month.

Show biz dreams are the most unrealistic of them all.

Dont make that face. Global warming is a theory.

Do you wanna hear my research that proves my mother is Bernadette Peters?

If you can imagine it, it can come true.

Glee club... it's about expressing yourself to yourself to everyone else. It's about expressing
yourself to yourself.

You singing Don't Cry for Me Argentina in front of a sold out crowd isn't a fantasy. It's an inevitability.

Bryan: Should I lock the door?
Sue: No, I've got a secret room upstairs. Like Letterman.

Bryan: You ever heard of the term anger sex?
Sue: The only kind I know.

Rachel: I came in first place.
Jesse: You were eight months old.
Rachel: I was very musically verbal.

You look terrible. I look awesome.

While Jackie Daniels is a great name for a power boat or something, it's not great for a baby girl.

My dads are moving my therapist into our spare room.

When I was little and I was sad, my dads would bring me a glass of water. It got to a point where I didn't know if I was sad or thirsty.

I know who I am and I'm not allowed to show it. It's like Communism.

Tina: My mom won't even let me watch Twilight. She says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.

I don't wanna hear about chafing just because you're wearing metal underwear. Not my problem.

American teens are coming down with an enormous case of Twilight fever.

Quinn: You wanna name our daughter Jack Daniels? It's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine. Jackie Daniels.

Kurt: She changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners.
Brittany: It's true.

They call it a funkification, meaning they show us what they’ve got and we spiral into a deep cloud of funk.

Thinking “trust me” was a sensible birth control option.

I’m so depressed I’ve worn the same outfit twice this week.

Revenge, fear, the merciless infliction of pain. These are my kingdoms. First time I gave a wedgie to a kid, I was four years old.

Do it. Break it like you broke my heart.

I’m all about finding a freakish depressed kid and showing them what winning’s all about.

You know, for me, trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flair ups of burning itchy highly contagious talent.

Will: You're a bully and you're mean to kids.
Sue: I'm mean to everyone.

One, are you single? Two, how about those New Directions?

Brunettes have no place in show business.

I realize my cultural ascendance only serves to illuminate your own banality. But, face it, I’m legend. It’s happened.

I spent large segments of each day picturing you choking on food, and I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that I once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts.

It's as barren as me in here.

I just really love you guys. You know how many Facebook friends I had before I joined Glee Club? Two. My parents.

Who cares what happens when we get there, when the getting there has been so much fun?

Who cares what happens when we get there, when the getting there has been so much fun?

I love you, Emma. And you love me. Dentist or no, this thing isn't over between us.

Now, I was going to quit once, but you guys brought me back with "Don't Stop Believing". It was a nine, but we are going to make it a ten.

We don’t care what the judges say: we won. Because we had you as a teacher.

I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about living on the bayou.

Will: Besides, we have got something that the other groups don't.
Artie: What?
Will: Finn's dancing.

Will: Inside, you're a really good person. I appreciate what you're doing for these kids. I won't forget it.
Sue: I'm seriously gonna puke in your mouth.

Quinn: I'm the president of the celibacy club. I took a vow.
Puck: So did Santana and Brittany. And I did them.

Mercedes: You think Puck and Santana will acknowledge my existence if we're not in glee club together.
Puck: She has a point.

Quinn: Did you love me?
Puck: Yes. Especially now.

They fell in love over the summer, at Asian camp.

Coach Beiste didn't touch my boobs. Actually, I wanna touch her boobs.

People thought I went on vacation but I really spent the summer lost in the sewers.

So here's a message for everyone that reads your blog. Next time, instead of posting an anonymous comment online, say what you have to say to my face!

We need chorus glee club members, people to stand behind me with wet eyes while I sing solos.

My eyes are up here, Jew fro.

One girl ate a pigeon, several others started worshipping a possum carcass as their lord. That's how much they want to be Cheerios!

Hey, why so glum, William? Cat crap in your coffee?

This is fun. You make not trying to destroy Glee Club easy. You know why? 'Cause you're doing such a bang-up job of it all by yourself.

Female football coach, like a male nurse? Sin against nature.

Well, the big deal is that a person who has to pump her nonnies full of gravy to feel good about herself clearly doesn't have the self-esteem to be my head cheerleader.

I don't want you anywhere near my squad. You'll deafen them
with the sound of your stretch marks rubbing together.

Sue: Oh God, Will, let me break it down for you. High school's a dry run for the rest of your life. Not everyone can be champions; not everyone should be champions. The world needs fry cooks; bus drivers...

Boobs McGee, you're demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will keep everyone safe from injury.

The two of you are making a mistake, the likes of which have not been seen since the Mexicans sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.

Everyone told me that Sue was the school bully and you were really nice. Guess they got that half right.

I'm the captain of the U.S.S. Kick Ass - not the U.S.S. Back Talk.

Did you know there's a forum on my blog begging you to stop rapping

Finn: Rachel is what you'd call a controlist.
Rachel: I'm controlling. Controlist isn't a word.

Puck: Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?
Sam: I don't know. I've never had balls in my mouth. Have you?

Mercedes: Is that a men's sweater?
Kurt: Fashion has no gender.

Coach Beiste: You're all coffee and no omelet.
Sue: That doesn't make any sense.

Tina: You ignored me for weeks this summer.
Artie: I was playing a marathon game of Halo, woman.

Every day, Tina and Mike's Asian fusion grows stronger.

I hope you all respect when I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears.

I would just like to say that from now on I demand to have every solo in glee club. When I had my teeth cleaned I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and dance better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman that I am.

Next week, I'm gonna be performing a musical number by Ke$ha.

I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now.

Please don't pull out all my teeth. I'll look like an adult baby, but with boobs.

This room looks like that room on that spaceship when I got probed.

I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.

I love that look of instant panic each time I try to change your routine.

This club regularly pays tribute to pop culture and Britney Spears IS pop culture.

I look forward to the day the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them.

The only way this relationship is gonna work is if we're both losers.

Well, congratulations. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Yay.

I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death.

You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.

It's a Britney Spears sex riot!

Don't let your own recklessness blind you to the fact that Britney Spears is a genius pop culture provocateur and a gateway drug to every out of control impulse ever created.

How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're like a hundred miles apart.

I think that guy just broke up with his girlfriend just so he could stare at you.

You look like a cast member of Kids Incorporated.

Students that ate the ravioli today and are not up to date on their tetanus shot should see the school nurse immediately.

It looks like a Jewish cloud.

I'm mad at you, but you're still so hot.

Hey dwarf, anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on To Catch A Predator?

Will: Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?
Brittany: He discovered America.

Santana: Can I just say you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?
Carl: I get that all the time.
Santana: You can drill me any time.

Carl: I'm gonna put you under a little general anesthesia. You won't feel a thing.
Brittany: Like roofies?
Carl: Yes, totally.

Finn: How do you feel about me not being on the football team anymore?
Rachel: I kinda like it. I don't have to fantasize about what song I'd sing at your bedside if you got paralyzed.